


It's not really goodbye

by Somnambulist (orphan_account)



Series: Not Really Goodbye [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, Light BDSM, M/M, Slow Build, long fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2014-02-07
Packaged: 2017-12-31 06:32:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1028378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Somnambulist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Don't you DARE, Derek Vincent Hale. If you need to do this - whatever the fuck it is you think you're doing at 2 fucking AM, all you had to do is open you mouth and tell me. GOD! I forgot, you don't have the second brain cell that's needed to open your mouth and make words come out. Just... Derek, please..." Her voice broke</p><p>"Come back home and leave in the morning. Please. Please,give me a proper goodbye."</p><p>"I am sorry Cora" He dropped his bag and reached out a hand. "I'm sorry. I thought it would be better if you weren't waiting for me to walk. That's why... I can't stay! It's not that I don't want to"</p><p>"I get it, you idiot!" She launched herself at him. He managed to get his arms around her and didn't stumble as he caught her. Her claws dug into him where she was clinging on and he crushed her in a bear hug. "It's okay. It's going to be okay. I'll come back. I promise" Derek murmured into her hair. He didn't sleep that night. He doubted whether he could keep that promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Goodbye

Derek ran. He ran in the morning, evening and sometimes at night when he couldn't deal with the lingering scent of Laura in the apartment. Three weeks ago, he had moved into their family's flat in New York; There was a sister by his side when years ago, in a similar situation, it had been the other. There was no pack now, at least not for them. There was no alpha. Scott didn't count. Derek was annoyed by the mere thought of him; The thought of any of them. They were allies, but he didn't belong with them. He'd always be an outsider. He would never go back there, not again.

 

The city was closing in around him. He'd been feeling restless since the alpha was drained out of him while healing Cora. It grew, that feeling inside. The wolf was constantly clawing at him to be let loose. He had never felt so out of control before, his anger, his anchor were all lost. Cora had joined NYU. Her classes would start in the fall. She'd broken down on the day that they'd arrived; Laura's scent assaulting their sensitive noses no sooner than they'd crossed the threshold. Derek had huddled on his bed, listening miserably to her sobs till he couldn't stand it any more. He found her in Laura's room (her room, now) amid a pile of her clothes. It felt like drowning. He was holding his breath. Taking in a gasp of air, senses flooded with memories and grief and pain, he sat next to her. He hooked his arm behind her neck and drew her closer, much like when they were younger. He tried to draw away the pain just like he did the poison that had nearly killed her.

 

His mind was made up. He had to leave. He couldn't stay here. He barely slept, he couldn't eat. His days and nights haunted by horrors, old and new - the smell of burning flesh; His beta's blood on his hands. Laura dead, body mutilated. The memory of another cold, wounded corpse in his arms, Erica. He avoided thinking of Peter. He'd disappeared after that night. No one knew where he was and Derek couldn't track him. Was he the only wretched bastard who's managed to get both his families killed in the same lifetime. Cora deserved whatever happiness she could find. So did Isaac. He'd felt no envy at the loss of Isaac to Scott's pack. He couldn't fault him wanting to actually survive. It was no secret that everything Derek touched died. He didn't want to be responsible for one more person. Not for their life and not for their death. His skin felt stretched, tight, like a balloon about to burst. He had to go.

* * *

 

 

The click of the door was barely audible even with her senses. But she'd survived for so long alone because she was alert, aware and bloody careful. Her experiences taught her to be even more so now. Derek had been edgy and broodier than usual. He barely spoke a sentence a day. She was expecting it, but it still hit her like a storm on a summer day. She was out the window and waiting in front of the Camaro in under a minute. She caught sight of Derek, frozen in his tracks, 10 feet from where she stood.

 

"You bloody asshole, you creep out in the FUCKING middle of the fucking NIGHT..." she gritted out through her clenched teeth.

"Cor..."

"Don't you DARE, Derek Vincent Hale. If you need to do this - whatever the fuck it is you think you're doing at 2 fucking AM, all you had to do is open you mouth and tell me. GOD! I forgot, you don't have the second brain cell that's needed to open your mouth and make words come out. Just... Derek, please..." Her voice broke

"Come back home and leave in the morning. Please. Please,give me a proper goodbye."

"I am sorry Cora" He dropped his bag and reached out a hand. "I'm sorry. I thought it would be better if you weren't waiting for me to walk. That's why... I can't stay! It's not that I don't want to"

"I get it, you idiot!" She launched herself at him. He managed to get his arms around her and didn't stumble as he caught her. Her claws dug into him where she was clinging on and he crushed her in a bear hug. "It's okay. It's going to be okay. I'll come back. I promise" Derek murmured into her hair. He didn't sleep that night. He doubted whether he could keep that promise.

He woke her up the next morning, right after first light.

"You can't do anything at a slightly reasonable hour, can you?" She grumbled as she walked him to the car.

"I was too restless Cor. It's better if I get on the road."

"Where are you headed?" "I'm not sure." She nodded like this made sense when even to him it sounded bloody ridiculous.

I'll call once a month. I can't promise more. If I don't make the call..." "Are you going to tell me where you are in these calls?" She asked, eyebrow raised and lips thinned.

"I will" 

* * *

 

He drove through the night, that first night. He wanted to get as much distance between him and Cora. He was already fighting the guilt, so he wouldn't turn back. Derek travelled north and into Canada. Sometimes he drove through the night. He slept during the day, often at motels, catching cat naps before setting off again. The longest he stayed was at Crew Bay, a town so small it was a speck on the map. Derek liked it because it was surrounded by woods. He found a stream with no known crossing. He managed to leap across and ran freely for the first time in a long time (when something wasn't chasing him). He got work in construction. Three days short of a month from the day he'd arrived, he got the news that the construction crew was going to be working on a bridge into what he'd unconsciously been considering his territory. Surprised at himself, he packed what little things he had and made the call to Cora.

 

Derek drove south, not stopping till he had exhausted himself. He had, however unintentionally, headed back to New York. Once he realized this, however, he turned around and headed back. He kept driving till he entered Pennsylvania. He circumvented the main towns, left his car in a long term parking service and hiked up into the ranges. He stayed away from the trails. It was strangely liberating and isolating. At night, his senses were on such high alert, even in sleep, that the nightmares that plagued him disappeared for the first time in years. He hunted for food and no, he didn't eat it raw! He roasted it. Occasionally, he ventured into towns, to use the laundromat and to pick up snacks. He made sure to clean himself up before each of those forays. He was careful not to invite attention, not that he didn't get any. The local people were friendly and often curious. He eventually build up a story that he was a hiker and was exploring the trails, on his vacation. He bought more supplies than he actually needed or wanted to supplement the cover. He also shaved and generally tried not to look like an axe murderer. He wanted to move higher, leave behind even the slight traces of society. He knew he had crossed a couple of state boundaries by his next trip for supplies. He was somewhere in Tennessee. He camped out on a high ledge overlooking a waterfall which he later found out was called Creek Falls. The view of the sunrise was a revelation. He dove the 80 odd feet into the horseshoe shaped fall. He splashed about and played like he hadn't in a long time. Scaling the steep, slippery wall of the falls, he dove off, each attempt more acrobatic than the last.

 

Regretfully, he left his camp one week from the time he'd arrived and headed further north. He was two day's out from his falls and paying little attention to the direction he'd taken when he heard the first of the howls. His blood ran cold. It was such a rookie mistake, he would have to kick himself once he stopped running. He ran. He didn't want to be caught in whatever was happening here. He had a promise to keep. He pushed through the vegetation, picking up speed and trying to outrun the noises he could now easily pick up. It was a fight, no doubt about it and it sounded messy. He slowed as he heard growls increasing in volume from up ahead.

_Fuck this._ Derek thought. It sounded like there were fewer up front than behind. So he cautiously made his way through the woods. Derek caught sight of the fight and groaned. How the hell did he end up in such fucked up situations? Up ahead was an alpha, the red glow of his eyes unmistakeable. Two betas were moving in on him from both sides. One already pretty beatup - if the healing bone in his right leg was anything to go by. The alpha turned slashing out at the beta behind him. He was pretty big, but the beta was fast and agile. She ducked under the arm and took a swipe at  his torso. It connected beautifully. Derek inched his way around, taking advantage of the distraction trying not to be noticed. The male beta wasn't so luck and the alpha's claws struck him right across the abdomen. Derek winced. He had experience with evisceration - never pretty, that one. he could hear more wolves behind him. He was stuck, no other option except to wait it out. The alpha struck out at the male beta again and he went down. The girl (she was a girl, barely older than Cora) let out a feral growl. She ran at the alpha, he dropped to a knee and as she went past launched himself onto her back. She dropped to the ground, he had ripped out her throat. The alpha's nostrils flared. Derek knew he had caught his scent. Derek walked out from behind the tree his hands out in front of him. 

"I don't know who you are. I'm just passing through. I've nothing to do with those guys. I'm going to go. Now" He stalked around the alpha, as he talked, never letting him out of his line of sight. The alpha growled.

_Talking was never my forte._ He thought.

Derek rotated his neck, working out the kinks as he too wolfed out. He growled back. He had no chance against an alpha. He waited for him to make the first move. As the alpha advanced Derek noted any possible openings he might have. The alpha's abdomen was healing, but still torn. Derek feinted left and as the alpha stretched, his vulnerable abdomen was exposed. Derek kicked out, connecting with his solar plexus. The alpha groaned, winded, hit his knees and Derek punched him right in the nose. He was about to take off running. The alpha threw out an arm, latching onto one of his feet and they both hit the ground. Derek rolled and got onto his feet. The alpha was running straight at him and he had no time to block. 

Growls erupted from behind Derek and he ducked as three betas and and alpha crashed through the innocent vegetation. The new alpha leapt forward, but his attacker was already on the retreat. He dodged the new alpha and was already disappearing into the foliage. The betas and the alpha surrounded Derek. 

_Great._ He thought, right before he was knocked unconscious. 

 


	2. Alpha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Look. It's pretty clear to me that you've got a lot on your plate. Just let me go and I'll be out of your hair" Derek stood over him, his expression relaxing a tiny bit.
> 
> "So you can go out there and get yourself killed in under an hour? Nope, not going to happen"
> 
> "I can take care of myself…" Derek snapped outraged.
> 
> "Says the werewolf who traipsed into the middle of a territory fight" Derek blushed. The alpha laughed, his face brightened and he seemed much younger.

Derek woke up groggy. He was in a strange room. But at least, it wasn't a cellar, cage or basement. As far as he could see there were no torture devices. He got up. He had been lying on a couch. Except for the ache in his head, he felt pretty fine. This really wasn't what he'd been expecting. The door clicked open and the alpha that had saved him walked in. He was slimmer than Derek and slightly taller with brown hair that stuck out in all directions like he'd been running his fingers through it.

 "Ah, you're awake" He said.

"You knew that; you heard my heart beat" Derek said crossing his arms, his face already set to his trademark scowl _._ "What do you want with me?"

"Wow. You're a drop of sunshine, aren't you?" He grinned. He sat down on the couch sprawling inelegantly. Though his expression was amused, his face reflected tiredness and grief.

"Look. It's pretty clear to me that you've got a lot on your plate. Just let me go and I'll be out of your hair" Derek stood over him, his expression relaxing a tiny bit.

"So you can go out there and get yourself killed in under an hour? Nope, not going to happen"

"I can take care of myself…" Derek snapped outraged.

"Says the werewolf who traipsed into the middle of a territory fight" The alpha laughed at Derek's blush. His face brightened up and he seemed years younger.

"You believe I'm not with that pack?" Derek asked, puzzled by his behavior.

" **I** heard your heart beat when you said so to that monster. Also, your scent doesn't match the other pack... I'm sure you are telling the truth. The alpha you fought, he's killed four of my betas in the last 3 months. You are an omega, if you'd submitted; he'd have taken you in. But you fought instead even when you were sure it was a losing fight. I hope you knew it was a losing fight. You'd have to be delusional to think you'd win. I can offer you a place to stay and safe passage, but not psychological help"

Derek snorted. This guy was starting to remind him of someone. 

"I'm Derek Hale" He said like a peace offering. 

He had no interest in staying and even less in getting involved. But the guy was thinking of his safety and a lot of people in his position wouldn't have thought twice before tossing him out on his ass or killing him for the power. 

"Hale" The alpha whispered, eyes wide. "I'm Cedric. I thought all the Hales were dead" He stood up and stuck out his hand. Derek stared at it for a beat before shaking it. The man had no diplomacy - definitely reminding him of someone.

"Rick" A woman called from the door. She was about a foot shorter than Rick with short, extremely curly hair and dark, dark skin. Derek thought she was a beta in the midst of the fight. But it was apparent now, that she wasn't. 

"Ah, Anna..." Rick waved her into the room. "Meet Derek Hale. Derek - this is Anna, our emissary."

"Hello, Derek" She said distractedly. She looked worried and her skin was ashen. 

"I've helped heal Thad as much as I can. He's awake now, if you want to talk to him."

"I'll do that now. Could you show Derek up to the guest room?" She nodded and turned to him, her lips twitching into a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

“I hope you're not feeling any ill effects from my aconite mix.” 

"So, you're the one who knocked me out?" 

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. We weren’t sure whether you were a friendly, it was the best I could…”

“It’s okay. Considering this is the first time, after being drugged that I’ve been apologized to and not tied up and tortured for hours – I’m feeling pretty generous”

“And I thought my life sucked” She grinned.

“I’m sorry about your friend. The beta…” 

“I’ve been preparing myself for death – mine and my loved ones, for the past three months. It still taken me by surprise each time, you know?” she said almost like she was talking to herself.

Derek didn’t know what she read in his face. But she nodded and said, “Her name was Leila.”

They had walked to the end of the corridor on the second floor. She opened a door and led him into a small room. The far wall was covered in photos and maps, the table too overflowed with scraps of scribbled notes and snapshots. On the bedside table which was in fact a filing cabinet, stood a photograph of the beta – Leila – with a young man. 

“This was her room. I guess, she won’t need it now and it’s better than the couch downstairs. That’s seen too many body fluids”

“It’s perfect. Thank you” Derek pulled out his rusty manners. He hadn’t had much opportunity to use them recently. Anna walked around the room, her fingers brushing the odds and ends on the table. She opened a drawer on the table and unhurriedly put away the last things Leila had left behind. She turned to him with a look in her eyes that Derek was painfully familiar with. He’d seen that same look in the mirror countless times - a mixture of inadequacy, despair and guilt.

“I got her to join the pack. The boy…” she nodded her sharp chin towards the photo on the dresser. “- was her boyfriend. They were just kids, you know… camping out in the woods. They had been omegas till they found each other. He was from a pack up north and she was turned and abandoned. She never told us how they met. The alpha, the one you fought, he tried to recruit them, but they didn’t want any part in a fight”

She swallowed and propped herself against the wall. “He doesn’t take no for an answer, though. They ran, but, he caught them. We found her on patrol with what was left of his body in the woods. They wanted to send a message. They made her watch…”

She looked up at him, for a second, unfocused.

“I’m sorry. You must be tired… I’ll leave you to get ready. Come downstairs, to the kitchen whenever you’re hungry. Dinner will be late tonight; we have someone to bury” Her eyes filled. She hurried out the room before Derek had to struggle with words of comfort. _It’s_ _not like he knew any._

Derek showered, shaved, then showered again. He washed a couple of his boxers in the sink. Someone had picked up his bags from the woods. He’d have to thank them for that. _Gratitude was an unusual emotion for him._ He thought of the teenagers he’d threatened, seduced or cajoled into helping him. He didn’t even know why. He thought of Isaac… he thought of him every month when he made the call to Cora. Derek had left instructions with his bank to send a fixed amount every month to Isaac. He felt responsible for him though he’d kicked him out. He'd kicked him out **because** he was responsible for him. Seeing how things had turned out with Boyd, he felt his actions were justified. He’d stopped trying to guess what might have been… there were too many in his life for him to keep track of. He took a short nap and had his first nightmare in a month. He woke up shaking. He ran his head under the spray, dressed and headed downstairs.

Four men and three women were seated around the table. He already knew Anna and Rick. A couch had been shoved in to the tiny space diagonally; propped up on it by a bunch of pillows, was Thad. He was shirtless and someone had bandaged up his abdomen. Everyone was red-eyed. He hovered in the kitchen doorway for a second, as the conversation died out at his presence, even though he was sure everyone except Anna must have heard him come down.

“Hey Derek! Take a seat” Rick waved towards the chair opposite to him. “Now, you can tell us all about yourself!”

Derek paused halfway into his seat and raised an incredulous eyebrow at him. Anna, who sat to Rick’s right smacked him sharply round the head. “Ignore him. He thinks he’s funny”

“I’m funny”, Rick murmured under his breath low enough that only the weres could pick up on it.

“Are you okay? You look pale” said a woman with a pink scarf wrapped around her head.

“Yeah, aconite poisoning generally does that to you…” Derek murmured.

“I gave you the antidote. Are you in pain? The new mix is mild – it’s only a sedative. The worst you should feel is a headache. ” Anna asked.

“It’s alright Anna… He’s lying” The words from a large beta who sat in far corner turned to a snarl. “It’s not like he owes us anything… not like we didn’t save his sorry ass”

“Nat, you can take the inner perimeter… I’ll see you at dinner” Rick said pleasantly.

The beta, Nat, went red first and then pale. “But that’s… four hours”

“Yes… you can work off some of that energy”

Nat grumbled to himself as he jumped up from his seat; chair almost falling over.

“Wait” Anna commanded. She removed a napkin from her lap and stood up. “Derek Hale – it is true that you were found encroaching on Howe territory. It is also true that, however inadvertently, your actions may have saved Thad’s life.” Her eyes shifted from Derek to Nat – holding his gaze for a moment till he dropped his. “As the Howe emissary, I’d like to extend our welcome to you. As a guest, your safety is our duty. I request you to stay here till we can send people to ensure you safe passage.” Anna nodded to Nat and he slunk out the room.

“Say yes, and she will officially adopt you. Then I’ll have to add your name to the pack Bible” Rick added cheerily. Anna smacked him again. Derek snorted.

“Hey, I’m the alpha… you are undermining my authority in front of our guest” Rick whined convincingly. Anna gave him a superior look that reminded Derek of Lydia.

“You manage that perfectly, all on your own.” she snarked, “ You don’t need any help from me.” She sat down and continued to eat.

“So how come you can’t find them if they are on your territory?”

“They keep moving around. Their tracks are all over the place and they overlap several times. We patrol four times a day in shifts. We only ever manage to come across stale scent. I don't know how we've been missing catching even a single fresh trail. This is only half the pack. The other is out on patrol now.”

“You have a pack of 16” Derek deadpanned. Rick was barely older than him.

“Yeah, but I didn’t turn any of them. Seven I inherited and the others are strays I picked up” Rick grinned.

“Your face is a stray” The same girl, who’d asked after him before, said.

“You know, we are giving you a lot of information here. It’s not an obligation, but unless it’s a national secret or something – you can share”

“My family is dead. My pack is dead save for three members. Two of my betas are safe… I needed space and I ended up here”

Anna and Rick exchanged silent looks.

“I’m sorry Derek. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to” Rick said, his expression serious for the first time that evening.

 “Why is that pack in your territory?” Derek asked when the silence got to be too much. He never thought he’d be on the receiving end of it.

“We have something they want,” said Rick. Derek scowled.

“What?! How do you like it when you get half assed answers?” He tilted his head and met Derek’s annoyed gaze.

“It’s is a long story…” Derek said with a sigh. These people had saved his life, given him a place to stay and as far as he could see – there was no trap in this. It was the most someone had done for him without taking a pound of flesh in return. _Not true._ His thoughts went to a boy who’d treaded water for two hours for his sake.

“I’ve time” Rick said and brought him back to reality. Derek looked around at their expectant faces uncomfortably.

“I don’t know where to start” Derek said, pushing his chair back.

“Come find me when you figure it out”, Rick smiled and shrugged; like it was that simple.

* * *

 

Derek lay awake at night. His nights of peaceful sleep were just a memory. He felt like he’d been in this house a long time. It was disconcerting. It's been years since he'd been as just a person. He didn’t fit in. He was the outsider… the poor boy whose family burnt; the monster in the woods. What should I do?

 _I don’t want to be responsible. I don’t want to get them killed._ He thought. 

 


	3. Cedric

Derek felt like he'd barely fallen asleep when he was woken by the sounds of a commotion. He felt irritable and depressed.  He pulled on jeans and wandered downstairs, shrugging on a t-shirt. There were a bunch of people squeezed in around the table. Rick was no where to be seen. Derek caught sight of Anna who waved him in. He nodded a hello to her and took hold of the plate she handed him.

"Come eat. You won't get anything with this lot swarming about" 

He recognized a few faces in the crowd. Thad was healed and was currently stealing a roll of Nat's plate. He swatted at him lazily like he really didn't mind. Nat smiled sheepishly at him and Derek smiled back, hoping it didn't look too forced. He felt extremely uncomfortable being so obviously an outsider in pack territory.

"Come on," said Anna as she filled a second plate.

She seemed to sense his discomfort. She led him towards the back of the house away from the crowded kitchen and living room. There was a room with no door. Rick stood with scarf girl who had a green one wrapped like a turban. 

"The freshest scent led us down past the oaks and to a thicket about here. Then the scent went stale again. Its like the ground swallowed them up" 

She looked up at them.

"When you say that the scent went stale - what do you mean?" asked Derek.

"Uhm - like dead scent. Like mud and musty fungal spore smell. I don't know"

"Beneath the Hale house, during my ancestor's times they built a system of tunnels. I used to play there as a child. I covered acres across our grounds. My mom said that in those times when it wasn't safe to be a wolf above ground, we could still wolf out below. "Is this the original Howe house?"

"No. The original was torn down right before I became the alpha. The site is the same, we just rebuild"

"Are you suggesting that there may be tunnels below?"

"I think a lot of old pack houses were built around the same time and in similar styles. There were places for holding people and escape routes and a lot of other functional elements, that made sense in a different time, that were integrated into the architecture over the years. There is a very big chance there may be tunnels around the house," said Derek. 

Rick looked at Derek out of the corner of his eye. "What?" asked Derek feeling defensive."I studied architecture"

"He's the last Howe", said Anna, pointing her sharp chin in Rick's direction. "His familiarity with this territory is relatively new"

"I grew up in Oklahoma. My mom's pack is out there...." his expression was bitter and it sat strangely on his face.  

"Which one?" asked Derek, moving around the room and looking at the pictures adorning the world feeling more curious than he expected of himself. In the Hale house, before it burned down, the walls had pictres ranging from those taken of his ancestors in the early years with a Brownie box camera to his little cousins' pictures. This house was built on the remains of the last and yet not a single picture was older than a decade.

"That pack doesn't exist anymore" murmured Rick.

Derek turned to him with a raised eyebrow. "I had two sisters. Laura was the older one. Cora was younger and I was the middle child. Laura became the alpha after..." 

Anna had settled into the armchair by the window. Rick dispersed the scarf beta with a nod and propped himself against the table by a hip.

" - After the house burnt. Peter, my uncle, was the only other person who survived the fire. He killed Laura to steal the power" He said that with a finality that made it clear he wasn't going to be saying anything more on that topic. Rick handed him his plate from the table and indicated the other armchair. Fair trade - he'd sacrifice some information for more. The only way he could survive this is by knowing what was happening around him.

"My mother's pack followed the old ways to a shocking extent. She ran away from home when she was a teenager. She met my Dad. Her pack didn't really approve of Dad and she took me back there to try and convince them. She had a younger brother... I think she was hoping to get him out. My dad, he risked his life and the life of his pack to come get me. That was decades ago - I must have been 5 at the time. My mom got killed in that fight - by her own pack. Dad was just glad to get out of there with me. They were the Macles. They weren't interested in persuing us outsde their territory. His luck really, because they easily outnumbered them -three to one. I heard that about 6 years back, the Alpha Pack paid them a visit. There were rumours of twin pre-teen omegas who took down the entire pack. Hunted down every last one and killed the alpha, their grandfather... my grandfather. I made some... not so discreet enquiries. They said the pack house was razed to the ground."

"Those weren't rumours" Derek looked up at Rick. 

"Have you heard something about them?" Anna sat forward in her seat, her eyes darting to Rick before focusing on Derek.

"Roughly seven months ago I got a warning from the Alpha pack. They took two of my betas. For four months, I hunted for news of them and eventually found them hidden away in a a bank vault lined with Hecatolite. They also had my sister Cora who I thought had died in the fire..."

Derek found that once he started talking, he didn't know how to stop. He told them about everything starting with the diappearence of Boyd and Erica, followed by the warning from the alpha's to losing his alpha powers, defeating Jennifer and  leaving Beacon Hills. He narrated it in bits and jumbled pieces, often forgetting that the part he was narrating wouldn't have made sense without him revealing something he didn't want to. But, neither Anna nor Rick interrupted him. They both listened quietly, only asking questions to clarify something or to urge him to continue when his pauses lingered for too long. The sun was higher in the sky now, the shadows shorter. There plates sat untouched on the desk

"So Aiden and Ethan are back in California?" Anna looked thoughtful.

"The last I heard..." said Derek feeling strangely lighter and also hollow. 

"Thank You, Derek. I get a feeling that is barely the tip of the iceberg" He unfolded himself from the swivel chair he'd settled into. His hand rested on Derek's shoulder. "You've no reason to trust me - but I don't betray a single person who crosses this threshold with no place to go back to"

Anna stood up, her face determined. "I will find out about the tunnels. There are people I can talk to..." She nodded to Derek and smiled tightly. Her eyes were wet. Something inside Derek growled. Derek pulled away from where Rick still had his hand on him and stood up. His skin felt tight again... like something inside was pushing at it, struggling to break out.

"I don't need your pity" He spat out.

"I don't think I offered any" Rick grinned, lounging on the floor. Derek wanted to punch it off his face. In fact, he wanted to keep punching till his face collapsed.

"I need you to know we are safe"

"-Says the werewolf is a territory fight" scoffed Derek.

"Are you looking for a fight?" asked Rick, straightening up. The height difference pissed Derek off unreasonably. His wolf was demanding that he show this brat his place even as his mind reiterated that he couldn't take down an alpha.

"You wouldn't be able to give me one I was looking for" Derek growled.

Rick tilted his head watching Derek like he was fascinating. "Oh, I think I'm exactly what you're looking for" His grin this time had an edge to it.

Derek heard the rumble of a growl and felt its vibration. He was surprised to find it came from him. His claws were lengthening, now and he could feel the threat of his fangs pushing at his gums. With massive effort he reeled back the change and took off. He could hear Rick calling him back. He didn't stop.  _Not another_ person.

 

Derek ran past a surprised group of people. _Probably returning from patrol_. His mind supplied. He could still hear Rick's persuing footsteps and hurried orders being shouted out. The people in the patrol, dodged out of his way. Rick was gaining on him, Derek let go and wolfed out. Even for a beta - he was fast. He'd been the fastest in his pack - then he'd been lithe and agile. Even with his grown body and the added weight, he was still fast. He accelerated and heard Rick halt behind him. Rumbling out a satisfied growl, Derek leapt over the brush and was suddenly thrown back  by an invisible barrier. He shook it off and got to his feet, struggling to push past the barrier. It was useless. 

"If you're done with your tantrum..."

Derek turned on Rick and growled, letting all that anger out for the first time in a long time. He saw Rick nod to someone and was peripherally aware that somewhere beyond the clearing they stood in, was a pack who'd tear him apart the instant he attacked their alpha. He was beyond the point where he could call himself back. He couldn't remember a single time in his life, except when he had been a very young child, the wolf had greater control than his human side did.

"Come on Derek, if all you're going to do is growl, I don't wanna play", Rick mocked. Derek rushed him, he came in fast and high, going for his throat and at the last instance dropped, rolled and swiped out, tearing into Rick's thigh. He was up in a flash. Rick growled back - now in beta form. His thigh was rapidly reknitting. Derek rounded on him and let out a challenging roar. Rick bided his time. He let Derek charge him again and again. He now had a collection of nicks and cuts from where the massive scratches had healed rapidly.

"That all you got? Anna does better in hand to hand" Rick laughed.

Derek snarled and redoubled his efforts going for his throat in such blatant attempts that Rick could block them easily. The next time Derek charged him, he dodged under his swipe, caught his wrist and twisted it up into a lock and towards his upper back. Derek yelled as he dropped to his knees, his claws flexing franctically in an effort to release the hold. Rick put his weight on tho Derek's back and pinned him to the ground.

"Why keep going, brat? You've alrady lost"

"Not going to die, here..." Derek gritted out throwing his head back, trying to slam Ricks nose with it. They were in a position that required a lot of strength from Rick and Derek was still struggling frantically. His free hand was clawing at any part of Rick he could reach and he was bleeding from many shallow but painful cuts.

"Derek, Derek. It's going to be, okay. I need you to breath. Derek... you're killing me here, man. Snap out of it. You're going to be okay. Nobody here is going to hurt you"

Rick's muscles were shaking now. Derek was ridiculously strong for a beta and he was frantic to boot. He took a deep breath and kept up his litany. "You're going to be okay... Nobody's angry. I'm not angry. Nobody's going to die today."

Derek struggled till he was exhausted. He had managed to dislocate his wrist. With a surety that he was going to die, he gave up and lay pliant in the Rick's hold. His human mind was pushing back the defeated wolf which had curled up inside to lick its wounds. He felt a mixture of panic and humiliation. Rick heaved a sigh and collapsed on top of him. They both lay there for af few minutes. 

"If you're not going to kill me..." Derek made an aborted attempt to heave Rick off and crashed back down when his arms gave out. "- get the fuck off. You're heavy"

Rick rolled off and sprawled next to him. He grinned obsenely wide and said "Better?". Derek would have slammed his fist into his face if he had the energy. 

"Fuck off" he turned his face into the dirt, guessing rightly that it was tomato red. Rick laughed freely. 

They lay there till Derek slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position. Rick propped himself on his elbow and watched him. 

"What now?" asked Derek. 

"Now we go home..." said Rick smiling up at him as Derek rose to his feet. He shot out a hand waiting for Derek to pull him up. He  snorted, but did as the action demanded of him. Rick hooked his arm around Derek's neck companiably. Derek glared at him from the corner of his eyes, Rick's annoying face too close to do it properly. 

"Whaaat? You almost tore me to ribbons. You should atleast give me a hand to the house. I should make you carry me home..." Rick squawked as Derek threw him over his shoulder in a fireman's throw and made sure to jostle him all the way back to the house.

"This - ow - isn't - damn - what I - OW! - meant"

Derek dropped him on the porch. "Ow! Derek - you ASSHOLE!"  He struggled to his feet and swatted Derek on the butt before following him into the house.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Derek slept fitfully and woke up before dawn and though his eyes were drooping, his mind was too restless to fall back asleep. Derek made his way downstairs hoping to sneak out for a run. He picked up a steady heartbeat past the kitchen and stopped in his tracks.

"Hey, where are you headed?" Rick asked suspiciously.

"None of your business" Derek snapped and regretted it immediately. He vividly recollected Ricks arms around him - containing his own violence and that voice whispering in his ear.

"I couldn't sleep?" He offered. Rick stood at the kitchen door in a pair of boxers and nothing else. Derek felt his eyes roving over the long, lean limbs that looked deceptively fragile. Ricks eyes watched him for a minute. His head tilted and face sterner than it usually was during the morning hours. Derek shuffled his feet, feeling his face burn. Ricks gaze slowly slid down from his face to the rather loose and worn out t-shirt he had pulled on before in the bedroom and lower to his sweat pants and down to his feet. Apparently done with his scrutiny, Rick turned his back on Derek and padded back into the kitchen.  

"If you're going out, don't go beyond where you hit the barrier today. Its not safe."

"Did Anna erect the barrier?" Derek changed  his plans. Somewhat reluctantly he followed Rick into the kitchen. 

"Why do you think we are so relaxed within the house? It is literally wartime for my pack. Anna drops the barrier only when patrol enters and leaves. We shuffle the patrol times everyday so nobody can anticipate it and break in during a barrier drop." He was smirking in a way that pushed all of Dereks buttons  and he was coming closer. 

"Smart" said Derek. Rick was now so close, Derek could feel his breath drifting lightly over his face

"Very" He leaned in and hesitated watching Derek's eyes. When Derek didn't react, he kissed him, lips brushing over Dereks lightly. He pulled away and his eyes searched Derek's impassive face. 

"So not the reaction I was hoping for..."

"The first person I fell in love with died in my arms. In fact, I killed her. The first person I slept with burnt down my house with most of my family in it. The first person I trusted after my sister died was a crazy shapeshifting druid who was really into mass sacrifices. She tried to kill the parents of my... friends? So don't expect me to be all enthusiastic."

Rick watched his expression carefully as he leaned in again. His hands went to Derek's hips to draw him closer. Derek didn't protest. This time he took his time; truly savouring the meaning behind Derek's unmoving arms but tilted head. His face swaying slightly closer though he tried to hold himself rigid. It was trust. He would make sure not to betray it like he had been betrayed so many times before. Derek's arms came up to cup his nape and his body moved that  last imperceptible fraction (or was it a mile) closer.  

 

* * *

**California**

Things were just getting better when Scott found the first deer out in the woods. Devoured.

It was just him, Scott and Isaac out in the woods, today. Stiles had managed to get separated ( _like usual, what was with those two?_ ) when the growling had started. Stiles ran, crashing through the whippy branches and stumbling over the not so whippy ones. The last one he encountered won their fight and he crashed to the ground. 

He looked up to see a pair of glowing red eyes blatant against the darkness.

"Oh my - Holy mother of Batman! Scott? Scotty, that better be you"

 

He held up his mobile, trying desperately to still the tremors in his hands. The faint glow of the torchlight cast by the screen, silhouetted a hulking, shadowed figure. 

"Good Al- Alpha!" Stiles said holding out his arms, palms up.

The silhouette seemed to shift seamlessly into two. Stiles let out a sigh of relief.

"What the fuck is it with you guys and sneaking around to stop my fucking heart" Stiles snapped. Aiden and Ethan exchanged a look. 

"We have never snuck around" said Ethan, putting sarcastic air quotes around the snuck. "- And Stilinski, if we wanted your heart stopped, it wouldn't be in your chest" Aiden added sweetly, smiling widely like the psycho he was. 

"What are you two doing out here, anyway?" Stiles demanded, ignoring the threats to his person. "Twiddle dum here hung up on Scott when he called"

"Lydia said we had to" said Ethan making Aiden snarl lazily at him. "Like you were happy to stop sucking on Danny for the half hour it took to get here. And next time we meld, don't think about making out with him. It fucks with my metabolism"

"- Hey, Gooberface, Phlegmwad! More important things at stake here!" Both of them stared at Stiles for a moment. 

"I can hear your girlfriend over there" said Aiden, heading smoothly in the indicated direction. If he went slow enough so Stiles could keep up - it went uncommented upon.

"So, who's Phlegmwad?" asked Ethan curiously. Aiden grumble-growled under his breath. 

They caught up with Scott and Isaac. 

"Hey, you guys made it!" said Scott cheerfully. Aiden gave him a dubious look and opened his mouth.

"Did you find anything?" asked Ethan, heading off whatever insult his brother had planned.

"We found a scent trail... then we lost it-" said Isaac. 

"Anyone familiar?" asked Stiles meaningfully.

"It's not Peter. For the hundredth time, Stiles. I haven't seen, heard or smelt him since the day Derek left town"

Stiles noted the raised eyebrow ( _what was it with werewolves and individual eyebrow control?)_ that passed between Ethan and Aiden. 

"You know something - " Stiles pointed at the twins accusingly. "Also-" he said turning to Scott. "what is the point of your true alpha powers if you can't discover our little missing frenemy?"

"Deucalion came to see us before he left town. He mentioned that Peter's scent was around the nemeton."

"So?" asked Isaac. "He might have wanted to know where it was for future reference"

"That's where he found Jennifer's body", said Ethan quietly. "He disposed off it. We never did that before. I don't know why he did now"

"And you didn't think this was worth mentioning before!" Stiles threw his arms in the air in exasperation. 

"Its not like we hold hands and message each other goodnight like you and your girlfriend -"

"Hey!" Scott looking like a swatted puppy. 

"Where did the scent trail off?" asked Ethan.

"Beyond the stream... it was near the road" said Scott.

"I could smell diesel exhaust..." said Isaac.

"It was near the road -" said Scott again.

"Did it smell... I don't know - smooth or was it more like old paint?" Aiden asked.

"smooth - acidic and not like sulphur"

"How can anything smell smooth?" Stiles settled down legs folded at the base of a tree.

" Nothing should smell smooth to a werewolf. Raw diesel smells sharp but the exhaust fumes contain something that messes with our sense of smell." said Aiden.

"If the smell is smooth it means that whatever caused the smell is present nearby. Which means there was a vehicle idling on the road. Did you hear anything?" Ethan nodded towards Scott.

"-An engine start" said Scott. "But we thought that was just some car on the road."

"That's where your guy-"

"Or girl went"

* * *

 Hands wandered slowly stroking over his sides in long, firm strokes. They had made out like teenagers in the kitchen. Rick giggled a lot and his hands were everywhere till Derek pinned him against the fridge. RIck's wrists were held firmly against the cool metal surface. He spread his legs and Derek pressed up against his crotch with his thigh. He moaned as he rocked into that thigh, precum permeating his underwear. 

With some struggle and a lot of persuasion from Rick he had managed to convince Derek NOT to fuck him in the stupid kitchen. He had no clue how they got up the stairs and how many clothes they'd lost on the way up there. Derek's hands! DAmn his hands! They were every fucking where.

Derek sat with his back against the headboard and Rick straddling his lap. They had been making out for the past hour but Rick could sense the hesitation. He wasn;t sure what had happened but all that heat had simmered down. Though Derek's hands  lazily explored his body; he wasn't taking it any further. 

"Dere - k" Rick managed to get out, his voice sex rough from disuse. 

"-Uhm..." Derek grunted, not looking up from where he was nosing at Rick's throat. It made him feel hot and cold all over. He was scent marking him. But then again, who wouldn't want someone to smell familiar in strange territory. But he was the fucking alpha. He was going to have ot do the ultimate walk of shame tomorrow! 

"Der! Do you - do you not want, this?"

Derek's eyes focused on him at last. He was fucking beautiful. Jesus, how many times had someone hurt him? He looked lost all of a sudden. All his bravado during the physicality of it melting away. Rick felt a little uncomfortable. Had he been there with him at all? 

"I thought I did?" said Derek, voice bland. 

Rick sighed and pushed himself of his lap, adjusting himself casually before flopping down on the bed beside Derek. Derek envied him a little. He didn't look a bit vulnerable though everything was exposed and rather beautifully so (or so Derek thought, not with a little regret). 

"You have someone?" Rick asked, not looking over.  

"No..." 

"In your mind then?" 

"I had dreams. I never have dreams"

Rick rolled over onto his belly  and propped himself up on an elbow. 

"Derek, what have I taught you about unsatisfactory answers?"

"That they are unsatisfactory?" Derek snarked. Rick sharply swatted and exposed  thigh. Derek growled, baring his teeth. 

"Do you want me to kick your ass again?" Rick asked, a little too sweetly for Derek's liking. Derek pouted. Rick was sure Derek didn't see it that way, but that didn't count. 

"I don't have dreams. I haven't had a single one since high school. I have nightmares."

"And you dream about this person?"

Derek grunted. 

"Words, Derek!"

He snorted, pointedly. 

"Wet dreams?" Rick asked smirking. Derek smacked him upside the head. 

"Ow - " Rick made a hurt face and aggressively cuddled into Derek's side. He looked surprised for a second and then gently cupped his hand over where he'd smacked him. 

"You do realize I'm not asking you to marry me, right?" asked Rick, looking up at him. "I like you, Derek and I hope you like me. Which, come on! How can you not?! I mean, look at me."

Derek snorted again. 

"I'm not sure how much time my pack's got. The only reason we've survived for so long is that we've learnt to be careful. I can understand you not wanting to get involved with me" Rick said carefully.

 

"It's not - I'm fucked up Rick. I bring bad luck where ever I go! I should leave. I don't want to get you killed"

"Shut it!" snapped Rick, his voice edged with the alpha. "I don't buy that crap. Not for one second. We were in trouble long before you came along. You saved one of ours Derek. You fought when you didn't have to. I give you my word as alpha you're welcome here as long as you want to stay. You're welcome with me too. But you have to choose" 

Rick got up and looked around for his boxers. Damn it. Ultimate walk of shame and he didn't get any either. He was about to move his naked ass out the door when -

"Stay" 

Rick looked doubtfully at Derek. _God! His stupid poker face..._

"I'm not saying yes... I just sleep better"

Rick's face softened and he settled back into his earlier cuddle. 

"You better wake up extra early and find my boxers before one of my betas  slip on it and break their neck!"

"They'll heal"

"Asshole!"

"Sleep!"

 


	5. Chapter 5

I'm really sorry for starting this! I know it's gotten very little notice. But I thank everyone who was kind enough to leave their comments. I really can't seem to finish this after starting season 3b. Initially, I planned to write this because I see Derek as a man who doesn't deserve to be alone. I see him as a werewolf who doesn't deserve to have his family torn from him ( not once, but twice) and for his only remaining pack to be an evil undead uncle and a sister who left to be the Queen of Scotland. I wanted him to have a sanctuary away from Beacon Hills, with a guaranteed support system that would welcome him back anytime. Really, I know they torture him so much throughout canon, physically, mentally and emotionally. It's gone on so much that his pain is a joke. I know he's a character but there should be a karmic balance when you write a character. It's not just that he's suffered loses, it's that the circumstances behind them are so horrific. I wanted him to realize that he was beautiful and worth. I'm with everyone who ships Sterek but with the promos and realizing how much Stiles would be going through, there is no way for them to heal each other. I wanted to show Derek's healing process during his time away, the reasons why he falls for Stiles and why he decides to protect Scott. But I find myself in a rut and with the anticipation for canon 3b building, I find myself unable to continue this. If anyone has any ideas/ prompts please feel free to message me. 

That's me on [tumblr](http://thenightofthesomnambulist.tumblr.com/)

Thanks. Have a nice day

**Author's Note:**

> The way I analyzed Derek post Season 3A was as someone who would be lost and confused. Both Derek and Cora have a lot of wounds. But a lot of Derek's past experiences are very personal - what with Paige and then, Kate and then, Jennifer! Can't the poor guy get a break. He isn't in a place where he can take responsibility for Cora. Everyone he was responsible for is dead, so he's trying to escape from all that. he doesn't want human interaction and he's indulging his wolf side. Also something Peter said in s3e12 struck a chord with me. 
> 
> “I am the Alpha. I’ve always been the Alpha.”
> 
> In my version, Derek is still an alpha -it's just not apparent. Once you are an alpha, the power never really goes away. If anyone is a hero it's Derek. Despite all the time's he's been betrayed, he has sacrificed himself countless times for Scott and Stiles. He even returns to town because of Lydia's screams when he knew Kali's out to kill him.If I list all my reasons it's going to be longer than the story. This is something you should read because it supports my thoughts about Derek's character. 
> 
> http://scaredywolf.tumblr.com/post/24627577427 (it's not mine)


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